The land of the $0 parking ticket vs. the land of Gotcha Governing

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My $0 parking ticket

A funny thing happened the other day when I whimsically posted a picture of what seemed to be a $0 parking ticket I'd received in Iowa City, Iowa.

NO ONE BELIEVED IT. Gotcha-weary drivers from all around the country -- well, big cities anyway -- seemed utterly convinced that it must be some kind of scam, or worse: a government plot to sock me with an even bigger ticket later on.

"Maybe i'm paranoid, but I'd be checking that to see if it was a typo or machine malfunction," wrote one concerned Facebook reader. Said another, " Yep, in a year you'll probably get a summons. $10 ticket and $100 in penalties and interest."

I don't blame them at all. One town where I've lived charges $250 -- and boots your car -- for a *first* parking infraction. What's a parking infraction there (*ahem*Hoboken, N.J.*ahem)? Basically, parking on the street. Other places (Virginia) charge quadruple-digit fines for speeding, or have Orwellian electronic eyes on the sky that hand out red-light tickets indiscriminately. Behind it all is often a for-profit company like American Traffic Solutions, which can keep nearly one-third of the money paid by citizens as "fines."

That means the fines, which once upon a time resembled some kind of judicial process, are merely a profit center for a far-away company, and a "hide-the-tax-increase" device for local politicians. That's enough to make people pretty cynical.

Several years ago, I wrote a book called Gotcha Capitalism which argued that America's consumer economy was no longer a market economy, but rather one based on hidden fees, penalties, and other sneaky charges. Worse yet, entire companies stayed afloat because of a "Now I've got you, you SOB" mentality (h/t to Eric Byrne). Slip up, and you'll pay up, big. Miss a credit card payment by one day? Your interest rate jumps from 15 to 30 percent. Let your account balance slip below $0 for a day? Pay a series of $35 fees. Gotcha Capitalism.

I've dreamed of writing a sequel, though I think it might be too depressing to work on, called "Gotcha Governing." You already know what I'm about to say. Arrive two minutes after your parking meter expires? Pay $62...for want of a quarter. Need to make some kind of emergency repairs to your house? Get ready to pay through the nose for a permit.

All these rules and fees were born out of society's needs to get organized in some way. Parking meters, for example, are a lovely way to make sure that there's ample movement in downtown shopping districts. And that's fine. Fines are fine, too. You've got to nudge the rulebreakers to....obey the rules.

But in truth, we all know that that these fines are now heavily abused by government agencies as a sneaky tax. Often, the punishment doesn't fit the crime, the fines are way out of whack, and designed only to plug some budget gap so politicians don't have to stand before voters and admit they need to raise taxes to provide basic services. That's unfair. In fact, it's downright infuriating. It's Gotcha Governing. But many of us don't care that often, because it usually happens to strangers who don't know our city's arcane parking rules or where the speed trap cameras are. Also, these people are CRIMINALS!!! So it's ok to take all their money! And that's true until one day, it happens to you, and you rage like everyone else.

But that's not the only consequence of Gotcha Governing. Back to my $0 parking ticket, and the paranoid comments it attracted. Here's what happened.

I was driving through town, on my way from Chicago to Aspen, Colo., and was lucky enough to stop and have coffee with an old grad school friend. He told me, care-free, to park on the street, which I did. We got so lost in conversation I didn't put quite enough money in the meter. When I noticed the ticket, I did my usual east-coast-born-west-coast-bred potty mouth growling thing, immediately canceling out all the good feelings from my chat with an old friend, until I looked at the fine amount.

$0. What the?

Fortunately, I have spent time away from the coasts. And I had heard legends about cities that still treat people with humanity. Cities like Charlottesville, which offers waivers for first-time parking offenders. Or Austin, Texas, which waives parking tickets for drivers who elect to leave their cars near bars and get a ride home, rather than drive drunk.

Or Iowa City, which levies $0 fines to first-time parking meter offenders, but clearly warns them (me) not to do it again. Promise, I won't. But I will happily go back to Iowa City again, as soon as possible.

Because there, people Act like people, and treat others like people. And it seems to kind of catch on.

Let me be clear: I am right in there with folks who worry that my $0 parking was some kind of ruse. That's why it's good to travel, to get away from the hardened coasts. Because somewhere out there is the land of the $0 parking ticket. And it's kind of a beautiful place. If you live in a land of Gotcha Governing, there's another reason you are restless. It's good to know places still exist where folks really aren't always out to get you.

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